Coping with grief

As you may remember from a previous post, I lost my Uncle last week and I thought I might tell you about how I have been coping with this sadness and loss in my life, and how that may have influenced what and how I eat.

When I got the phone call from my Dad, telling me that my Uncle had passed away, I was struck with this feeling of finality! It was too late to say goodbye, too late to tell him that he was special to me, too late to thank him for making me feel like I was special! There would always be a gap at family gatherings, and the place would be a lot quieter! There was one less person in the world that got me, and one less person in the world that was sort of like me!

My emotion came in waves, sometimes, I was surprised at how calm I was, and at other times, especially when I was by myself, I would burst into tears and really feel the loss! I felt sad for me, for his children, my Aunty, my Dad who has now lost his older brother. The emotion has made me so tired and I've spent the last week trying to catch my breath. It's like I haven't been able to get enough oxygen, so I sigh and at the same time take another big breath. I remember doing that many years ago when I was doing exams at school.

The funeral was in the country, about 6 hours drive away. This meant we had to travel there the day before the funeral, then stay for 2 nights, and then make our way home the day after the funeral. I needed a plan. How could I stick to this "diet" while I was away, and while I was feeling upset and around lots of food?

The plan - on the day we travelled, make it a fasting day. I had a cooked egg and mushroom with a little wilted baby spinach for breakfast. I knew it would be hard, but I took a container of carrot sticks, and an apple cut up, and that was to get me through the day, while we were driving. It was very hard to watch the others eating potato wedges with sour cream and ham burgers, but I knew that I just had to stay strong for just one day. I took a frozen container of my Italian Style pea and ham soup, so by the time we arrived at our destination, I was able to heat up my dinner quickly in the microwave, and the idea of missing out on pizza ( which is what everyone else was having ) wasn't so bad. Having a good, simple plan helped me to keep on track! It was easy to follow and I didn't have to think much, just follow the plan. I also decided that before I went away, that my other fasting day would have to be when we got home, so that was the other part of the plan, just get through the first day, and then don't just eat, for the sake of eating, just because its there.

Now that we are home, the funeral is over, the sadness is subsiding, I have this leftover feeling of being very tired! I think it's from all the emotion, all the crying, or not crying when you should cry. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach is a different feeling that I'm not used to. I thought I wanted a sweet biscuit, and I let myself have one, then discovered that just that biscuit was around 200 calories, and the bad part was, that it didn't make me feel any better! It made me feel hungrier, and more tired! I think I'll be staying away from choc chip cookies if I can.

My tip for coping with an emotional event,

Make a simple plan - it could be a rule you want to stick to, but make it do-able
Stick to the plan or the rule
Think about how the food you eat makes you feel physically
Pick yourself up and start again if you deviate from your plan
Tomorrow is another day

End of story
When I got home, after eating lots of things I couldn't remember exactly to journal, I had actually lost more weight!

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